Renewal.

Today I made a verbal agreement in the presence of several of my work-related superiors to return to Japan next fall and teach for another year.

In the back of my head, a little voice said, "Except if I get hired for the job I'm applying for in Spain."

It's been a tough couple of days, trying to prepare for this decision. I don't feel like there was a "right" or "wrong" answer, which is hard for me. I don't feel like the God of the Universe willed for me to say either "yes" or "no." So I acknowledged the fears I have about both answers, and decided to say yes. I feel relieved to have simply delivered an answer. My fears are not entirely gone, but hope is much greater than fear. Another year in Japan will not be easy, but either would a year in any other country. Life is tough, but it's beautiful.

power trips

Today I instigated a 3rd year boy getting scolded. He seems to be at that age when hormones speak louder than the filter in his head, and he tends to make inappropriate comments that I usually ignore. Today, I didn't have patience. It was the last period of the day on a Friday (my busiest day of the week), and I was tired. So when he came up to me with a guilty look on his face and made a comment in Japanese that he refused to translate, I grabbed his arm and dragged him into his homeroom, where his homeroom teacher happens to be an English teacher. I prompted him to repeat his comment, and he refused. The teacher tried to pry it out of him, but he wouldn't say a word.

Later the teacher told me that she had finally got him to repeat it.

He was trying to tell me that he wanted to buy me chocolate on Valentine's Day, but he was afraid to tell me in English because he was worried about what I would think of him.

I'm officially a jerk on a power trip.

The end.

the most bizarre day thus far

Today was really weird. So many strange things happened in one day. To start with, this weekend I cut off about 5 inches of my hair and died it brown. It's a bit of a change, especially in the eyes of my Japanese students and co-workers who quite frequently admire my natural blonde hair. Today was my first day at my junior high school with my new hairstyle. I thought, this could go one of two ways: A) Japanese people don't like to single people out (or be singled out) so they may not say anything at all B) They say "Sugoi!" (the Japanese equivalent of wow) and then "Kawaiii (cute). The first teacher I ran into ...

asked if I had gotten my hair straightened...? Interesting. And this was the question of the day. Nevermind the 5 inch difference in length and 5 shade difference in color. My hair was apparently only remarkable in that it was straight. It was neither a Japanese, avoid-undesirable-attention-response nor an acknowledge-the-obvious-change-response. I promise I'm not just being vain or hoping people will notice me. I'm genuinely confused by this reaction.

Continuing on - today is a special day in Japan. On Feb. 3rd, Japanese people throw beans on their front porch and say, "Devil out, good in!" I'm not Japanese, nor are my AET neighbors, so we had no bean-throwing before work, and I ceased to think about this tradition. Until school lunch. Everyday our school lunch is served with white rice that comes in a little silver tin with a lid (except the days we have "western" lunch and get bread). So today, when I saw that school lunch was the smelly fish that I never eat, I reached for my white rice because I knew it would fill my hungry belly, and I wouldn't have to eat the fish. As I took off the lid to my rice, I was startled. The rice inside was a shade of purple! What?! My coworker sitting next to me informed me that it was special food for Feb. 3rd. Lunch also came with a snack-size package of "mame" (ma-meh, beans) with a picture of a person throwing the beans at a fleeing devil. Takano-sensei, my favorite PE teacher who sits across from me, informed me that I need to eat 22 beans today because I am 22 years old. Interesting...

Moving along to cleaning time after lunch. As I'm cleaning in my usual spot, I hear a punk third year (US 9th grade) boy, who speaks little English, singing an obscure song from "Mama, Mia!" in English. What? Why is this 15 year old Japanese class clown who doesn't know English singing "Money, Money, Money!"?

The adventure continues as the whole school moves to the gym for rehearsal of the 2nd grade (US 8th grade) "coming of age ceremony" that will take place tomorrow. Now you all know that this is Japan, so I can't wear my outdoor shoes inside. But did you also know that I can't wear my inside shoes in the gym? I must have a separate pair of "gym shoes" which are not to be worn in any other location. Today, however, they have covered the gym floor with special mats so that inside shoes may now be worn into the gym. Now we're in the gym, wearing our inside shoes, standing on mats that cover the entire gym floor. 

The ceremony rehearsal is very formal. We must clap as the second year students enter (all 105 of them), and take their seats in the front of the gym. Then each class of second graders goes on stage, select students say some Japanese into the microphone, and I have a very vague idea of what they're saying. Something about their goals. As each student approaches the mic, she/he must bow. She/he must bow again when stepping away from the mic. There is a whole lot of bowing happening. Or at least I thought it was a lot. 

The next part of the ceremony involves several teachers being called on stage to make announcements. Luckily, each announcement is about 2 seconds long. The unlucky part is that each time a teacher is called up to stage we are sternly prompted over the microphone to Stand! Bow! Sit! Next teacher called up, repeat. And repeat. And repeat. And repeat. And repeat. And --- I've never bowed so much in my life! I don't even know what I'm bowing for. Sometimes, I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to be bowing. I just know that the voice commanding me to Stand! Bow! Sit! sounds intimidating, and I don't want to disobey! At one point, I jumped and almost made it fully to my feet when I realized that only the students were standing. Who knows how many times this happened without me realizing it...

Okay, so finally, I am done being barked at in Japanese to Stand! Bow! Sit! and the teachers are summoned for a meeting in the front of the gym. The students remain in their seats while the teachers discuss the rehearsal and what needs to be perfected by tomorrow. 

I'm not using the term perfected lightly. The teachers discuss how the students do not have their fingers curled under and their hands are not close enough to their hips while seated. Then they discuss how the Stand! Bow! Sit! routine does not look unified. It does not look like one person. (Really? Gee, who would've guessed that 316 junior high school students don't move entirely in unison?) Also, the students are shuffling their feet too much when they walk in. Additionally, when the students bow as they approach and step away from the mic, they are not standing in a straight line with the next person approaching or leaving the mic. 

Many of these things will be rehearsed later today in homeroom classes and again tomorrow before the actual ceremony. The bowing, however, cannot wait. It must be improved. Now. So the students have to practice Stand! Bow! Sit!-ing in unison. Each time it looks like 316 students instead of one mass body of computer-programmed robots, they must start again. They finally get it right (and how dare they take so long!), and I breathe a sigh of relief, because I think  the rehearsal is over.

Wrong.

Now they must rehearse the school song again because they are not singing loud enough. And if they are wearing hospital masks because they are sick (that's what the Japanese do when they're sick), they must take them off so they can sing louder. (This seems illogical, they are sick. Why would we make them sing loudly? Oh dear, me and my logic are lost in Japan...) So, as the students sing, their homeroom teachers scold them. The resulting sound is 12 angry Japanese people shouting over 316 students singing. At last, the song is loud enough.

Now are we done?

No. Now the students must be lectured about who knows what. I stop trying to pick up key words and piece things together. I don't care what they're doing wrong now. That's when I hear it - a bucket of water splashing down onto the precious gym floor mats. Wait... there are no buckets of water in here. What was that sound? Vomit! And it doesn't stop. It just keeps coming. Somewhere in this gym filled with 316 junior high school students, someone is puking on the floor. Two teachers go running towards the sound and start dragging a second year student towards the door. He has vomit all over his school blazer, and he's still puking. The teachers are literally dragging him out as he continues to vomit, leaving a trail to the door. Luckily, the time it took for me to jump from "bucket of water" to "vomit" in my head was a split-second, so I got as far away from the spectacle as I could! Teacher or not - I don't do vomit. Plus I can play the foreigner card, I'm often deemed incapable of carrying out teacherly tasks, so I take advantage.

Now we must be done. Everything has been rehearsed. Teachers have discussed. Students have been lectured. And the smell of puke is about to start wafting. 

But no. The lecturing is not done. There is more to be said. And it MUST be said here and now. We cannot leave the gym. The students who are sitting with puke at their feet cannot leave. A few teachers who are not directly involved in the present lectures run for toilet paper, and out of the corner of my eye, I catch one of my cute little Japanese English teachers covering her mouth with one hand and wiping up vomit with the other. This is just too bizarre. Why are we still here? What is going on?

FINALLY the 3rd and 1st year students are dismissed. I breathe a sigh of relief (but not too deep because then I would be forced to deeply inhale the smell of barf), but almost choke on it when I realize that the 2nd year students are not being dismissed. (Remember that the student who puked was a second year student, and all second year students are sitting together, which means their chairs are in the vomit.) To top it all off, the students are now being fiercely scolded. It escalates to the point of one teacher grabbing a student by the shirt collar and jerking him to his feet while screaming in his face. 

At this point, I've had enough. Enough of the smell. Enough of the scolding. Enough of the corporal punishment. Enough of the ridiculous rigidness of this entire rehearsal that prioritizes structure and routine over relieving a group of students who have been breathing in vomit-filled air for far too long.

The entire event, this entire day, in fact, is bizarre.

And absurd.

that doesn't look like Japan...

The other day, I had the privilege of virtually meeting some kids a friend was babysitting. Via a Skype video chat, they asked me where I was and I said, "Japan. Want to see it?" Then I held my computer up to the window so the boys could see Japan. The response I got?

"That doesn't look like Japan."

And they're right. Japan looks a lot like any other developed country. There are paved roads, grass lawns, street lights, and chain restaurants. On my bicycle ride to school everyday, I very rarely notice anything that inspires the thought, "Oh yeah, I do live in Japan."

Japan has a reputation for phenomenal technology. Let me tell you that, although my house is great and I want for nothing (thank you Dickens for introducing me to that phrase), there is nothing phenomenal about the appliances in my house. In fact, my bedroom light quite frequently malfunctions, shutting itself off when the switch is indeed in the "on" position. Additionally, of the three burners on my gas stove, not one will ignite itself - all must be lit with a lighter. My Japanese blender works about as well as my hand and a spoon, and manual labor will never reek of burning rubber, while my blender most assuredly will each I turn it on. While I'm on a roll, it should be noted that if my roommate and I decide that between the two of us, we would like to use the microwave and the dryer, our fuse box boycotts us in our electrical hoarding, and we lose power in half the house (once it was the entire house!). So, I feel confident quashing the stereotype about Japanese technology being something great.

...And then, I see it. The little, square, 2cm x 2cm pattern that looks like something requiring those ultra trendy red-lensed 3d goggles. It's included in the nutrition facts label, in a sidebar ad online, or on an information plaque at the aquarium. What is it?

It's a "Magic Eye" puzzle, and if you let your eyes go completely out of focus, a hidden picture is revealed.

Just kidding.

It's a type of barcode designed to be scanned with Japanese cell phones. The phone automatically opens a web browser and takes you to an information page providing all the details about whatever product/company/exhibit you were reading about when you saw the barcode. They even have these magic squares on the McDonalds "food" packaging. One little scan and you can instantly read about the lack of nutrition found in your BicMac. 

This just might be phenomenal technology.

There are other random technologically ingenious concepts that I come across, but they're always so subtle and removed from any and all hype that they generally go under the radar. I will try to be more observant and keep you posted on further finds...

current obsession

I can't get enough. I thought it would wear off. I thought the fascination would fade. But it hasn't. I can't get enough of him. His name is Miyavi, and he's good.

one more thing to add to the adventure - today I received an email letting me know that there is a position open in Seville, Spain with the studied abroad program I went with 3 years ago. I have wanted this position since I learned it existed 3 years ago. Now it is available, and I am qualified. The only drawback - the interview process doesn't begin until March, and I have to decide if I will stay in Japan by Feb. 10th. Yikes!

quick review

Um... where to begin? Since my last post, I've had my passport stamped about 8 times... I traveled South East Asia for 15 days and tasted a little of Thailand, Malaysia and Indonesia. In my travels I was reminded of how much joy kind strangers bring me. The fact that I had to be reminded of this opened my eyes to how much I have missed it during time in Japan, and this was a little alarming...

    Now I'm back in Japan, teaching once again. I still love my students. I like going to work. If I could take my job and drop it into the middle of a country where strangers are nice to me, it would be fantastic. But I can't, which means my life is currently less than fantastic. It's not terrible by any means, and I can find ways to be content here. I can't, however, find ways to ignore how emotionally repressed the Japanese seem to be. I feel like a very important part of what it means to be human is missing in the sea of people that surrounds me. (And I'm learning a little of what it means to be treated like a 2nd class citizen.)

   Which brings me to my next point: On Wednesday, my boss at the Moka city Board of Education informed me (and the other 5 AETs, as well), that our principals and the supervisors at the Board of Education would "strongly" like us to return to teach next fall. So there's that.

   And I still have a Japanese lover.

I think that's my life in a nutshell.

As for what I would like my life to be - 

I long for a church. I met a Spanish-speaking high school student who told me about two Spanish-speaking churches in Moka. I will try to locate one tomorrow so I can attend a service on Sunday. 

I long for community. I have three wonderful friends, but I still feel lonely. I typically see two or three of these friends on Saturday nights, and that is all. That is the extent of my social life outside of the AET bubble.

I hope that finding a niche in a Spanish-speaking church will lead to a warm-hearted, Spanish-speaking community that will welcome me with eye-contact, smiles and warm hearts - all of the things I don't get from Japanese society.

Keep me in your prayers.

Prayers are life-changing, and Jesus is good to me. :-)