progress

i just sent my application for the Semester in Spain Student Ministries Coordinator position. now it's time to pray for the Lord's will to be done.
i have come to a place where i will be excited to spend another year in moka, if that is how my next year should look, because my love for my job, students, and co-workers is an endless source of joy, and not many people can say that about their jobs, so i will count it a blessing.
i am fully aware of these facts: i don't love kousuke (okay that one was obvious), i don't want to love kousuke, i don't want kousuke to love me, and most importantly i want kousuke to love someone who will really love him because he is a wonderful person.

all of these things are signs of progress in my life. praise God.

Renewal.

Today I made a verbal agreement in the presence of several of my work-related superiors to return to Japan next fall and teach for another year.

In the back of my head, a little voice said, "Except if I get hired for the job I'm applying for in Spain."

It's been a tough couple of days, trying to prepare for this decision. I don't feel like there was a "right" or "wrong" answer, which is hard for me. I don't feel like the God of the Universe willed for me to say either "yes" or "no." So I acknowledged the fears I have about both answers, and decided to say yes. I feel relieved to have simply delivered an answer. My fears are not entirely gone, but hope is much greater than fear. Another year in Japan will not be easy, but either would a year in any other country. Life is tough, but it's beautiful.

one more thing to add to the adventure - today I received an email letting me know that there is a position open in Seville, Spain with the studied abroad program I went with 3 years ago. I have wanted this position since I learned it existed 3 years ago. Now it is available, and I am qualified. The only drawback - the interview process doesn't begin until March, and I have to decide if I will stay in Japan by Feb. 10th. Yikes!