Part 2

... as promised, the entertaining situations continue....

Disclaimer: if the female cycle upsets you, you may be mildly offended by this post. Please allow me to kindly encourage you to suck it up because 50% of the world's population has a period. It's not rare, secret, taboo, or hush-hush. The word is out - women have periods - all of them (until menopause of course). Now please read my post. I promise it's not graphic, that would just be unnecessary.

Today at work, I realized I needed a feminine product. Around 2 o'clock, I was in desperate need. I anxiously surveyed the teachers office, only to find that all but 3 of my co-workers were teaching class, and would be doing so for the next 45 minutes. The 3 co-workers who remained were: the male head teacher, the male school clerk, and the male vice principal - all very high ranking employees, all very unapproachable in this circumstance. So, I wracked my brain, searched my Japanese/English pocket dictionary and decided I would find the school nurse and show her the page in my book that had the Japanese translation for "tampon" and "sanitary napkin" hoping she could quickly and discretely help me out. However, even the thought of going through with this embarrassed me. I sat at my desk contemplating for 5 whole minutes, half trying to muster up the courage, half trying to sink under my desk. Finally, I gave myself a countdown, and pushed my chair away from my desk, pocket dictionary in hand, index finger marking the correct page, heart pounding in my chest.

   I jumped to my feet and darted by my co-workers, completely avoiding eye-contact. When I reached the door, I did a quick visual sweep of the hallway to ensure that there were no students in sight. The coast was clear - so I began my journey to the nurse's office. When I reached the door of the office, I paced outside for a few seconds, surveying the door and trying to make sense of the Japanese signs and posters. There were two sets of sliding doors, that I believed would enter the office. I walked to the set under the wooden sign with baby blue bubble letters that read "Nurse's Office." The left sliding door had a picture of a raised hand with a red circle and slash. I decided that meant - "Don't open this door!" So I nervously pawed the right sliding door, but it didn't move. I couldn't tell if it was because of my pathetic effort or because it was locked, but I had reached the end of my courageous streak and I scurried back to the teachers office, to the sanctuary that was my desk.

    At my desk, I began to weigh my options once more. Only 4 of my coworkers speak English, and all 4 were teaching class. I could wait for them to finish, but the idea of asking one of my coworkers for helped with this matter seemed even more embarrassing than going to the nurse. I sat in my chair and tried to disappear. When I realized it wasn't working, I began reading the Japanese words for "tampon" and "sanitary napkin" over and over, hoping maybe one would appear if I could correctly pronounce the Japanese in my head.

...It didn't happen. 

Then I remembered that I had seen some kanji characters on the door I had feebly tried to open. The symbols looked familiar, like something I had learned the night before - but I couldn't remember if they meant "entrance" or "exit." I looked through my pocket dictionary, secretly hoping to discover that the kanji meant exit. Then I would have no possible way of entering the nurse's office, and, therefore, wouldn't have to turn bright red while pointing to Japanese words, hoping the nurse understood and could stealthily slip me the goods without revealing them to the students who might also be in the nurse's office...

To my distress, I found that the kanji I had seen was indeed 入口, pronounced iriguchi, translated effectively to "entrance." Boo. I knew I must return and confidently slide open that door, march up to the nurse, boldly point to the Japanese words, and proudly accept the products she handed me.

So I returned once more to the door of the nurse's office, only to find that the doors were indeed locked - both sets of them. Blast.

Now I had no choice but to sit at my desk and wait for my English-speaking co-workers to return to the teacher's office. I decided that upon her return, I would ask Ms. Tanaka, the head English teacher, whose desk is next to mine.

When class finally ended, the teachers returned, but Ms. Tanaka was with three students, making her completely off limits. When they left, it was already time for school cleaning - in which I must participate. So off I went to sweep floors and move desks...

About 10 minutes into cleaning, I decided I could wait no longer. I handed my broom and dustpan to one of the students and set off to find Ms. Tanaka. But as I walked toward her, I realized that I didn't even know what English word, if any, she would recognize. Should I say "maxi pad" or maybe "sanitary napkin"? But her English is pretty good, maybe I could just say "pad"? Before I could decide, I was standing next to her, and I whispered, "Is there somewhere I can get a tampon or sanitary napkin?" Wow. There it was. I was bold. I stated my needs. Ms. Tanaka turned, looked at me and said...

"What? I'm sorry. One more time, please."

REALLY?! 

Is this really happening? 

But oh, it gets better.

So I repeat my exact question, only slower and Ms. Tanaka says "OH! I have! Come with me!" With that, she sets of RUNNING. Down the hallway, past all of the students who are cleaning, and I have no choice but to run after her.

She races to her desk and fishes around in her purse. She pulls out a back cat-shaped purse, holds it out to me and says, "Here. I have three. Please take all of them as a present."

Wow.

THEN I realize - it is school cleaning time, which means students are cleaning all of the bathrooms in the school. So I ask Ms. Tanaka, "Aren't the students cleaning the bathrooms? What should I do?"

She quickly responds, "Don't worry! Come with me!" And she sets off running to the bathroom. The door is propped open and my students are inside cleaning. In Japanese, Ms. Tanaka quickly demands, "Is the toilet available?" The students exchange confused glances and point to the far stall (and looking back, I'm so thankful because that's the only "western toilet" in the bathroom). Ms. Tanaka quickly opens the stall door and ushers me in, closing the door behind me.

I sit down on the toilet and laugh. 

Did all of this really just happen? 

Is this really my life?

Welcome to Japan.